Once you’ve started a conversation and gotten it moving at a casual level, you can take it a little deeper.
From casual conversation to personal conversation
Taking the conversation to a personal level means that you shift the topic from the general circumstances or situation to the specific person with whom you’re talking. Being attentive and asking natural questions are the best way to do this.
If someone is wearing a shirt with the logo of a sports team on it, you might ask, “Have you been a fan of theirs for a long time?” If you’re waiting for a table to open up at a restaurant, you might ask the person you’re talking with about their favorite dish on the menu. That question could open up a whole line of natural follow-up questions.
Recognizing openness and reading the moment
Sometimes the person you’re talking to will keep the conversation going. Other times, they’ll start to shut it down. If they respond to your question with a few personal details and additional commentary, it’s an indication that they’re okay with the conversation. If they respond with one-word answers and look the other way, then you’ve probably gotten as far as you’re going to go with them.
As you ask questions, be sure to listen to their responses. People like to talk about themselves, and your listening shows that you’re actually interested and genuinely care. As a general rule, the more you care, the more they’ll share.
From personal conversation to meaningful conversation
Next, you’ll want to turn the conversation in a more meaningful direction. A meaningful conversation involves a feeling or challenge that they’re experiencing.
With the woman at the well, Jesus asked questions that exposed her relationship problems. While you don’t have Jesus’ insight, you can find out quite a lot about a person by asking questions and listening. Your questions can lead someone to open up about their challenges.
Asking questions that uncover deeper challenges
You might ask them about the most stressful part of their life. You might ask about how they balance everything they have to do. It usually helps if you mention something you’re facing before you ask them to share something with you.
The goal is to get below the surface and bring out a meaningful issue that they’re currently
facing. Getting there requires you to build trust and model honesty.
Trusting God to guide every conversation
Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is working through your conversations to open a person’s heart. You don’t have to force anything to happen. Just ask questions and follow His lead.
This blog features an excerpt from one of our Student Series books, Reach Your World.
